i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
