I will die if light touches me.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
