Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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