Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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