1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
