I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
