So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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