saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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