My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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