My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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