Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
