My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
