You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
