turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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