Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
