I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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