btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
