There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
