I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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