At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
