Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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