i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
