My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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