my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
