i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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