Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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