I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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