i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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