Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
