This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
