You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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