Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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