Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
