do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
