im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
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I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
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Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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