Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
