he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
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then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
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I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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