youre lurking in front of me
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
as a side note pls kill me
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
