They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
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Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
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Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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