Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
