I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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