I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
