i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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