Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
