i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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