i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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