you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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