is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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