If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
