That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
