Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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