She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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