I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
