she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
