So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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