i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
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You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
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It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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