I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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