1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Houston, we have a squirter
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
