Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
