She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
