In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
