I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
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You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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