I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
