Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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