I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
