when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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