The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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