In the future we'll all be gay
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Farmville is her only friend.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
