you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
