I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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